I am writing this, today is the winter solstice.
Probably day 1,413 of quarantine.
Okay, I’m not sure. I’ve kind of lost track of time. But I don’t think time actually exists or not the way we’ve conceptualized it. But, that’s a discussion for another day.
But, what I do know is that it’s December and the days have gotten colder and much shorter. I’ve finished finals and the semester has ended. Despite this shift, I have a strange sense of relief. Even when things around me change, nature remains the same. The constant state of nature is obvious from the ethereal sunsets I’ve stared at, the endless pastures I’ve run through, the trees I’ve climbed, and the birds that greet me every morning as I rise. Nature and the countless flocks of birds I’ve watched graze the skies above show proof that life persists despite what is going on.
Philosopher Søren Kierkegaard once said, “Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards”. During this period of uncertainty, the intangibility of time has been a constant reminder as each day passes. Living in DC for the past 3 years, I think the chaotic, and boastful beautiful city sometimes distracted me from this realization. However, quarantine has allowed me to be present and to see the vibrant beauty that exists around me. The haven I find in nature has allowed me to reflect on the past and thus, move forward. Yes, the days pass but there is a purpose with each passing day. From the days I decide to stay indoors and be present with nature through my open window, or the days I hear laughter from my neighbors outside, or the family walking their dog and enjoying time with each other. These are moments where I watch the intangible be present with the tangible-human interaction and nature’s calming presence.
I would say I enjoy my mornings the most. Every morning I wake up and follow the trail from my bedroom to my back porch. There, I open the door and breathe in the crisp air. For once, there
is only silence and the birds. Here, I give myself permission to not worry and to have faith that everything will be alright. I guess these are just conversations I have with myself, the birds, and nature.